WANTED
Vascular Surgery assistant, medical student preferred. Requires 5AM rounds and frequent lifting/carrying of heavy Vascular Wound Box™. Get a jump on your fellow students by being first to recognize difference between 2" and 4" Curlex. Consideration for grueling Vascular Surgery residency spot guaranteed. Call today!

FOR SALE
25-year collection of old umbilical stumps and prepuce/foreskin specimens. Collection comprises retiring OB’s life’s work. Large urban practice population. Excellent examples of human variation; indispensable for the new and experienced collector alike.

AVAILABLE FOR HIRE
Carotid Sinus Massage Therapist. Trained in latest techniques - Swedish, Feldenkrais, you name it. Five to seven hours a week typical; you'll be amazed at results. For added fee, simultaneous bilateral carotid sinus Shiatsu will provide complete occlusion of cerebral blood flow. Disclaimer must be signed in advance. Call 866-SYNCOPE.

FOR SALE
150-page collection of medical humor and satire culled from the Q Fever! website, 2000-2002. Aimed towards healthcare professionals, but can be dug by just about anyone. Portable, concise, and packed with protein and carbohydrates. Warning: may not be suitable for adults suffering from irony deficiency. Click here for more information.