PRACTICE IN FORT LAUDERDALE (Oy, is it hot here!)
Retiring Internal Medicine physician seeks not too nebishy replacement for his geriatrics practice (Boy, am I ready to retire). You should be nice, but not too nice, but at least nice enough to make a home visit from time to time (besides, there's good deli near all the nice developments). You should have a degree from a good school, preferably from the Northeast where my patients all came from (Who needs the craziness of New York anymore?). Good income opportunity and many benefits (like discounts on diamonds, linens, furniture and Moshe Lowenstein's famous Matzoh balls). Call 1-800-DR-WEISS (but not too late, I go to bed early).

Infectious Disease
Exciting practice opportunity in academic medicine. Will be in charge of >1000 bed hospitals infection conrtrol division by yourself. 9 months of service time required, mentoring 4 fellows considered a plus. Salary support of 100 % provided for the first 4 months. Thereafter 20% provided, will be expected to obtain NIH grants for remaining time. Office provided, no windows, one door, desk, no computer, working phone for local and in-house calls. Call Today.

DIRECTOR OF MEDICAL STUFF
Progressive internet company in Santa Cruz that's about to blow up big seeks a dude with heavy medical experience to be in charge of all things doctorly. I guess it could be a chick if she were down with Hippocrates' oats and what not. Good communication skills and propensity to seek higher levels of thought (via naturally occurring chemicals) are preferred. So is the ability to chill with the rest of the staff. NO SLACKERS, SURFERS, OR RAPPERS. Call 1-800-LIKE-NOW