AIDS Virus Laughs At Man’s Puny Attempts To Thwart It

February 7, 2001

WASHINGTON, DC - Speaking at a gathering of renowned international researchers and scientists earlier this week, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus Type I, also known as the AIDS virus, delivered a mocking critique of man's attempts to thwart it, referring those in attendance as "girly-men," and daring the world's brightest to "eradicate me if you can."

The AIDS Virus

The virus's appearance at the annual "Advances In HIV Therapy" conference at Georgetown Medical Center had been highly anticipated by the global healthcare community for several months, and marked the first time an actively virulent organism has spoken at a major medical conference since the speech given by E. Coli O157:H57 at the 1992 G.I. Expo in Las Vegas.

When introduced by conference moderator Dr. David Ho, the agititated-appearing virus was greeted by boos and catcalls from the largely anti-HIV gathering assembled, a response which appeared only to agititate it further.

"Ya'll a sissy-ass crew of bastard weenies!" shouted the virus, adding, "where do ya'll come off trying to come afta me with yo' somewhat primitive skills?!"

AIDS virus promoter
Don King

A brief twenty minutes later, the virus concluded by inviting Keynote Speaker Dr. Gerald L. Mandell, Chief of Infectious Diseases at the University of Virginia Health Sciences Center, to a one-on-one fistfight outside the lecture facility (an offer Mandell declined despite the enthusiastic urging of physicians and colleagues in attendance).

"I am your mo'f**ing master!" shouted the virus at the assembly as it departed; "Bow down, and don't none of y'all forget that sh**!"

AIDS virus promoter Don King made use of the opportunity to announce the upcoming Superfight In Yo' Lymphocytes, slated for mid-summer in Madison Square Garden, and available only on Pay-Per-View.

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