CONTINUING MEDICAL EDUCATION
Loud, Angry Conversations In Apparently Solitary Individuals: Distinguishing Schizophrenics From "Hands-Free" Cell Phone Users: A course for the practitioner. June 15-17, 2001, Holiday Inn, East St. Louis, IL. Course will focus on diagnosis, including seminar on importance of noticing wire dangling from ear. Faculty include Dr. Leonard Zuskin, National Institute of Mental Health, and Henderson N. Albright, Regional Sales, Nokia Corp. Registration via Dr. Morton J. Kandless.

CHAIR, DEPT OF MEDICINE, UNIV OF CALIF.
The Univ of California, Sacramento is seeking a chair for the Department of Medicine. Old chair accidentally sold at departmental rummage sale, forcing faculty to sit on floor. Ideal candidate would be durably upholstered, with proven swivelling and reclining abilities. The Univ of Calif. is an equal opportunity employer, and welcomes applications from La-Z-Boys and Barca-Loungers.

FOR SALE
Four-point restraints. Ideal for second dates! Also great for kids, guests, pets. Can be used with three-point restraints to give seven points max. Makes a perfect gift!

FOR SALE
150-page collection of medical humor and satire culled from the Q Fever! website, 2000-2002. Aimed towards healthcare professionals, but can be dug by just about anyone. Portable, concise, and packed with protein, carbohydrates and phat. Click here for more information.