Surgeons With Bling-Bling Get Mad Props, More Complications

August 10, 2005

NEW YORK, NY—According to a new study published in the Journal of the American College of Surgeons this week, surgeons displaying bling-bling during major procedures tend to earn massive respect from their homiez, but also have significantly higher rates of errors and infections.

Three-finger pimp ring

Researchers at Yeshiva University Medical Center say the findings suggest that, for many surgeons, the street credibility earned by sporting chunky gold chains and diamond-encrusted bracelets may not be worth the risk of potentially worsened clinical outcomes.

“We found that the wearing of bling-bling was associated with a high incidence of preventable morbidity,” said lead investigator Dr. Colleen Bouchard. “When we analyzed the data, it appeared that one of the main culprits was the tendency of bacteria to get caught in the crevices between the skin and da bling, making proper scrubbing difficult.”

“Also, not only do ultra-phunky three-finger pimp rings decrease manual coordination and mobility, but they also make the proper fitting of sterile latex gloves next to impossible.”

The researchers concluded that “Bling-bling best be left at home with yo’ peeps, aaiight?”

Surgeons nationwide have greeted the findings with mixed responses. While most supported the new recommendations, others voiced discontent.

“Yo man, das whack!” said Dr. Peter Schmid, a urologist practicing in Pensacola, FL. “Buss dis, yo dissen ma ringa? Dis is how it flow down in tha projects, so you hoes best make sho’ I’m still gangsta ... Ay yo, trip this Jag on Triple Golds, tha boy be flossin'! Foshizzle.”

Remember: Quality Without The Q Is Just Uality!