GENERAL INTERNIST, APPALACHIA
Fresh mountain air welcomes you to Evansburgh, WV, “the little town with a big heart.” Local medical practitioner retired as a result of shotgun misfire; practice, including exam equipment, electronic medical record system, truck parts & varmint traps, available immediately! Good working knowledge of autosomal recessive genetic disorders a big plus. B.Y.O.B(anjo), thievin’ Hatfields need not apply.

PERFUSIONIST, FLORIDA
For major tertiary care institution. Must know which buttons to press, switches to flip on one of those big bypass machines - that thing scares the bejeezus outta me. I wouldn’t touch it if you paid me. But that’s why we want to pay you, Mr. Perfusionist! This is what you people do, right? Send CV to POB #705525, Tampa, FL 19382.

ACADEMIC GERIATRICIAN
For research, teaching, and community- and hospital-based practice. Research focus on slips and falls a plus. Research interest in stumbles, face-plants, wipe-outs or skids also strongly considered. To join dynamic group at University of Eastern Massachusetts Center for the Study of Gravity and Aging. Plenty o' humorous videotapes. Must be BC/BE, bring popcorn.

FOR SALE
150-page collection of medical humor and satire culled from the Q Fever! website, 2000-2002. Aimed towards healthcare professionals, but can be dug by just about anyone. Portable, concise, and packed with protein, carbohydrates and phat. Warning: may not be suitable for adults suffering from irony deficiency. Click here for more information.