Pharmaceutical Industry Celebrates: Public Still Ignorant

April 10, 2002

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ--The pharmaceutical industry breathed a collective sigh of relief Monday, as it was revealed that the majority of the public hasn't yet caught on that generic acetominophen is the same stuff that's in brand-name Tylenol.

"Hot damn!", said Sudafed spokesperson Claire Dumont at yesterday's celebratory gathering at the Ritz-Carlton in downton Atlantic City. "I mean, we put in a lot of time and money, trying to dupe the public into thinking the brand-name's better than the generic, but... who would've thought it'd pay off so well?!"

Drug reps thank a gullible
American public

As for generic pseudoephedrine, Dumont insisted that brand-name Sudafed was in fact better. "Look at this dull packaging. Now look at Sudafed's. Which one has the fancy font, the orange stripe, the yellow swooshy thing? Yeah. Thought so."

Name-brand medications like Tylenol, Sudafed, Motrin, Alleve, and Advil have been available in generic forms for years, at dramatically reduced prices. But pharmaceutical companies continue to make millions from the uninformed and naïve, the poor, uneducated, and elderly - the very people who would likely benefit most from the cost savings of generics.

Mark Taylor, spokesperson for Advil, expects the cash to keep flowing, despite the continued presence of generic ibuprofen on drugstore shelves.

"I mean, it's right there! Right next to the Advil. I still can't believe it! Then again... the brand-name Advil really is better, right? I mean, with that 'Liqui-Gel' technology [bursts out laughing]!"

Executives at McNeil Pharmaceuticals, makers of Tylenol and Motrin, expect a brand-name bottled mixture of nitrogen, oxygen, and carbon dioxide, called Air™, to debut with strong sales this October.

Remember: Quality Without The Q Is Just Uality!