INFECTIOUS DISEASE OPPORTUNITY
Al Qaeda Medical Associates is seeking to add an American partner to practice 100% I.D. in metropolitan centers all across your accursed country. The successful candidate will possess a detailed knowledge of the aerosolization of bacteria and spores, as well as a familiarity with train and railway schedules. Possible partnership, guaranteed happiness forever. Trust Us. Must be willing to interpret Hippocratic oath liberally. Contact O. B. Laden, Mountain #7, Hole 4J, Afghanistan.

MEDICAL STUDENTS
Having trouble writing your Personal Statement? Look no further! Individualized 1-2 page statements available IMMEDIATELY with all the content you need, including: debilitating childhood illnesses, infirm family members, and cheesy stuff that shows you care about others. Never be unable to explain your career choice again! Call today.

NOTICE
Attention all passengers! The shuttle for Fort Howard will be leaving in five minutes. Attention all passengers! The shuttle for Fort Howard will be leaving in five minutes. All passengers should meet in the main lobby in five minutes. Thank you.

FOR SALE
150-page collection of medical humor and satire culled from the Q Fever! website, 2000-2002. Aimed towards healthcare professionals, but can be dug by just about anyone. Portable, concise, and packed with protein, carbohydrates and phat. Click here for more information.