WARD CLERK
sought for busy city hospital. Qualified applicants should be generally inattentive and unhelpful. The ability to appear supremely disinterested and incapable is expected. Frequent use of the phrases "I'm at lunch," or "I haven't had my break yet" in response to any and all questions is a plus. The right candidate will possess the ability to demonstrate insurpassable attitude. No medical or secretarial background required. Contact Harold on 12 South between 10 AM and 10:45 AM for more information.

ACADEMIC MEDICAL CENTER
for sale in popular New England city. Estimated yearly losses guaranteed at $75 million or more. Multiple residency programs, numerous medical school affiliations and loads of research. Busy ER that cares for the indigent and needy. Fantastic local and world-wide reputation. Don't let this opportunity slip away. Rare chance to have a medical center named after you, your family or your product.

FOR SALE
Pelvic specula, clear plastic variety. Hundreds available. All used. Slimy white goop for added fee. Bargain prices - please specify size. Free surgilube included! Contact Dr. Marc Gertelsman, Box #15043.

FOR SALE
150-page collection of medical humor and satire culled from the Q Fever! website, 2000-2002. Aimed towards healthcare professionals, but can be dug by just about anyone. Portable, concise, and packed with protein, carbohydrates and phat. Click here for more information.