Surgery On Florida Man Reveals Votes For Gore

November 29, 2000

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—A 67-year old West Palm Beach man thought to have a ruptured appendix underwent emergent laparotomy at Coral Springs Medical Center on Sunday, which instead revealed 2,674 votes for Vice President Al Gore. The man, whose identity has yet to be released, was resting comfortably after the procedure.

Votendectomy in progress

Surgical Chief of Staff Dr. Douglas Barnes reported that the votendectomy was a success, and that the ensuing votes would be counted by a group of 4th-year medical students.

"There may be enough to sway the election, and although I'm a registered Republican, fair is fair," said Barnes.

Hospital officials also noted that a handful of votes for Barry Goldwater were found during the procedure, although these were felt to be of less importance.

"Barry Goldwater lost the 1964 Presidential election to Lyndon Johnson by twenty-some million votes," said Barnes.

"Still, you never know."

Democratic committee members suggested that the data be analyzed until it is clear that Gore won the election; meanwhile, Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris is reported to be considering elective votendectomy, which Republican onlookers are confident will reveal thousands of votes for Bush.

Remember: Quality Without The Q Is Just Uality!