Rogue Nuclear Medicine Physician Creates Teeny-Weeny Bomb

June 28, 2000

Teeny-Weeny
Radioactive WBC
Nuclear Bomb

WASHINGTON,DC—The National Security Agency announced today that a rogue nuclear medicine physician has become the world's newest nuclear power.

Dr. Arnold Brownstein, a staff physician at St. Agnes Hospital in Erie, PA, has allegedly assembled a tiny bomb from radioactive white blood cells stolen from the hospital over a period of 20 years.

"We're obviously very concerned", said NSA spokesman Andrew Irving. "This weapon has the potential to cause some damage if it goes off indoors, especially if there's glassware around." While admitting that the blast from the device, which is thought to be the size of a thimble, would be relatively small, Irving noted its potential to "spoil a good shirt or pair of slacks if it is accidentally spilled".

Schematic diagram
of WBC Bomb

According to sources, Brownstein had become increasingly isolated and angry, and was recently witnessed to quarrel with a colleague who had referred to Nuclear Medicine as "UNclear Medicine". Federal officials believe he may have fled to the Middle East; Iraqi dictator Sadam Hussein is believed to have an interest in acquiring the so-called "WBC-bomb", which can be fired into enemy territory using a standard slingshot. Israeli officials are apparently looking for Brownstein as well; the physician can be easily identified by his obvious comb-over and his tendency to glow faintly in the dark.

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