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Telemetry
Beeping To Be Replaced By Patriotic Melodies
Yankee Doodle
to be played when tachycardias occur
OMAHA, NE--In
the wake of last month's terrorist attacks, Advanced Telemetry Devices
(ATD), the nation's leading medical telemetry systems manufacturer, has
developed new alert sounds for their cardiac telemetry devices.
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Telemetry
Unit
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Rudolf Markowitz,
CEO and acting president of ATD, explained his decision at a press conference
this morning.
"Our
telemetry systems have alerted healthcare personnel to acute cardiac conditions
for over two decades," he began, "and, as an American company,
we believe that the present circumstances call for a patriotic salute
to our nation's heroes."
"Instead
of Beep Beep Beep or Beeeeeeeeeep," continued Markowitz,
"or BeepBeep BeepBeep or even BuhBeep BuhBeep BuhBeep,
attention will be drawn to arrythmias using the classic melodies of great
songs like America the Beautiful and Yankee Doodle Dandy."
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Monitor
shows:
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New
alert:
|
| Tachycardia
> 120 |
Yankee
Doodle |
| Bradycardia
< 50 |
America
The Beautiful |
| Asystole |
Amazing
Grace |
| ST
Segment elevation |
Born
In The USA |
| Lead
has fallen off |
Star
Spangled Banner |
| Patient
eloped |
I
Love L.A. |
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The new sounds
will be available on all of ATD's cardiac telemetry devices beginning
this November; the company is also making available a software upgrade
for all existing devices, which will contain the same stirring sounds.
"ATD
is proud to offer this service," said a beaming Markowitz, "and
all eight thousand of our employees are proud to be either Americans or
foreigners with valid work visas."
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