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ABC
Nightly News Replaces Peter Jennings With Zyvox, Viagra
Lucrative
ads to be shown in lieu of once-popular anchorman
NEW YORK,
NY--Disney Corporation, the parent company of ABC and ABC News, announced
Friday that Peter Jennings has been fired as anchorperson of the ABC Nightly
News. Sources close to the company say that mediocre ratings and falling
revenues led to his dismissal.
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Peter
Jennings, Former ABC Nightly News Anchorperson
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Starting
September 19th, the program's current format of fifteen minutes of national
and world news plus fifteen minutes of ads for prescription medications
will be replaced by a full half-hour of the colorful and entertaining
drug ads, mostly for expensive, brand-name medicines like Zyvox, Viagra,
and Celebrex.
"A marketing
survey last fall revealed that most viewers of the program are over the
age of 50, and that the advertisements are the primary source of medical
information for this group," said Disney spokesperson Arlene McKenzie.
In its official
press release, ABC explained the decision by emphasizing that "while
[we] do understand that national and world news have a small place in
our society, we feel that bringing our loyal viewers thirty minutes of
uninterrupted drug company ads will allow us to remain competitive, while
maintaining the ability of pharmaceutical corporations to continue manipulating
the unsuspecting elderly of our great country."
"And
if it influences how our fine physicians prescribe for their patients,
then we've done our job right!"
Peter Jennings
was vacationing in Canada and could not be reached for comment.
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