American Heart Association Backs
"Five Little Piggies" Modifications
Second, third, fifth little piggy actions challenged

GLEN BURNIE, MD--The American Heart Association, in conjunction with the Pediatric Cardiology Society, today announced a plan to modify sections of the well-known childhood nursery rhyme "Five Little Piggies," specifically those relating to the second, third, and fifth little piggies.

In a released statement, the AHA supported "third little piggy" changes emphasizing a healthier lifestyle, with tuna or tofu replacing roast beef as the little piggy's meal of choice. A helping of carrots or celery was also suggested, along with a small portion of fat-free yogurt if desired.

The Pediatric Cardiology Society added that the rhyme ought to emphasize the role of exercise in growth and development by having the second little piggy "go jogging or swimming, instead of just staying home," and added that the third little piggy should consider sharing its good fortune of a meal with the fourth little piggy, who traditionally has "none."

Additional recommendations from both agencies include more positive roles for the fifth little piggy, such as having it laugh, smile, or skip gaily all the way home instead of crying "wee-wee-wee," in order to emphasize the happiness one feels when heading home to share a tofu/tuna meal and exercise with the entire family.

"[The changes] are of enormous symbolic importance," said Dr. Michael Moore, a senior fellow at the AHA. "Childhood rhymes play such an important role in the development of young kids, and what the rhyme was telling them was that it's OK for everyone to stay at home, and do nothing but eat roast beef."

Moore went on to say that the proposed changes could potentially reduce heart disease later in life by as much as 27%.

Not surprisingly, the American Beef Growers Association has expressed dissent regarding the recommendations.

"You can't just change a nursery rhyme - even the Pilgrims had little piggies who ate beef!," argued ABGA president Calbert Cheney.

Cheney did agree that the third little piggy should share some of its food with the fourth piggy, "but only if it's roast beef grown right here in the U. S. of A.!"