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StethoScopes!
Astrology For The Medically Challenged
For December to
January
Aries (March 21
- April 19)
The weather outside may be frightful, but the lovin' in your heart is
quite delightful and in full force this month.�
I suggest that you find some leftover mistletoe from the holidays
and bring it to work.� You never know when Pat will be in the mood.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Taurus (April 20 -May 20)
So, your computer broke down. This month, don't fix it yourself. Just
sit back, call the Help Desk people, and wait a few weeks. They'll fix
it eventually. Meanwhile, use this time to explore the hospital a bit.
One of my favorite things to do is to explore the hospital's hydrotherapy
suite.� Most of these units are underutilized, so you
can bring your swimsuit to work and enjoy a luxurious hot tub experience
during lunch.� Just remember to
use the bathroom beforehand... we know where those bubbles are coming
from!
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
A small mole on your nose has been bothering you for years.� I bet you've tried to remove it yourself with
utensils and chemicals.� Well,
if it really bothers you that much, just see a dermatologist.� You'd better get there early though- tee time's
at 2PM.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
You've won 12 NASCAR races.� You're
the hero of your family, your town, your state and the nation.� In your honor, races have been renamed, coins
have been minted and stamps have been printed.�
Your only problem is that you don't have much left to live for.� Perhaps you should volunteer some time down
at your local hospital.� You always
looked good in red and white striped outfits (or so your girlfriend says).
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)
You're feeling down and out.� Ripped
off again on eBay and the Lexus is running a little rough.� Relax.� You
have your whole life ahead of you.� How
old are you, 26? Just think back on the marverlous time you had during
the holidays and look to the New Year as the first year of the rest of
your life.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept. 22)
Someday your Prince will come.� Last
year you partied like it was 1999, but this year you fell a little short.� Your stocks are down and so are your spirits.�
Recall that your spirits were down in 1992 and things turned out
OK.� Dig out your old Milli Vannili
albums and consider that things HAVE gotten better.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23t)
Look to the 14th of the month.�
Orion rises early and so should you.�
Get up early and get to the airport, so you can catch an earlier
flight.� Get a window seat and
look out upon our great land.� Realize
how lucky we all are; we're at peace with England and most of us have
the opportunity to own a Playstation 2.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
People are paranoid.� It's been
a dark 18 months since the CIA found evidence that China stole secrets
from your lab.� Who knows why they're
so interested in enterococci, but that doesn't seem to matter now, does
it?� Keep your calm and remember to order pizza.�
CIA dudes really like pizza.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Check your refrigerator. Is it
running?� If it is, perhaps you'd
better go catch it, but only after you've checked with your doctor first,
as you should before undertaking any new exercise program.� Take your aspirin, beta-blocker, statin, and your cellphone in case
you get into any trouble.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Santa wasn't too good to you this past year.�
What did you expect?� You're
kind-of mean and mostly out-of-touch with your significant other's life,
emotions and dreams.� Santa rewards
those who are good to others.� It
is not enough to just avoid being bad, you gotta be good, too.� Sins of omission are just as bad as those of
commission.� Check with the commissioner.
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Ah... Aquarius, the water sign, is my favorite. You've been working way
too hard this month and neglecting your true passions. Sure you made it
to painting class and Yoga, but you forgot to leave time to write your
novel about life during the French Revolution.�
Or was it the Beatles' Revolution #9?
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
Wise men say only fools rush in, or was it just your friend Weissman ordering
food in Russian.� Regardless, perhaps you should sing out loud on your way to work.� Don't worry that others on the bus might mind
your tunes - you never cared about them anyway.�
Stethoscopes,
stethoscope, stethescopes, stethescope
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