November 1, 2000 | Volume 1, Issue 10
 

Just like your
mamma used
to make it!

    
Medical Humor & Satire
For Healthcare Professionals

© Q Fever! 2000-2005
 
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Internship & Residency
Admitting Patients

Dr. Karl Newman

Dr. Karl Newman, Q Fever!'s I&R correspondent, is on vacation this issue.

Instead of his usual column, we present the following helpful template, designed and used by Dr. Karl himself, to help you while: Admitting Patients.


INTERN ADMIT NOTE
CC: __________ pain for 10 days
     Body part


HPI: Pt is a __________ year old ________ ________ 
# btw 50-200 Ethnicity Occupation with a PMHx significant for ________, ________, and Rare Dz. Common Dz. __________ who was in his/her usual state of _________ insect(pl.) Adjective health until 10 days ago when patient ___________ a Active verb-past tense bottle of __________, after which time pt. began to Chemical element notice ______ smelling bowel movements associated with adjective __________ vomitus and profound __________. Pt called color ROS complaint his/her ___________, who recommended over-the-counter occupation ___________. Patient then developed increased production Chemo drug of __________ smelling ___________ and presented to the adjective Body fluid _______________ for evaluation. The patient denies Hospital Location __________ pain or __________ discharge. Body part Body part PMHx: As above Social Hx: Occasional _______. Lives with _________. Vice 70's sitcom actor Sexually active with _________; practices safe sex Superhero using _________ for protection. Noun (pl.) Allergies:__________ Any four letters Meds: 1) Extract of __________ to affected area bid Animal 2) __________ enema po bid Any type of fluid 3) ___________ PR qid Any medication Fam Hx: Unknown (Pt. Raised by wild __________) Animal (pl.) PE: Looks __________, but __________ Adjective Adjective Exam: Refused Labs: Significant only for hyper_________-emia and Chemical element __________ __________ cells on peripheral blood smear. Color Noun CXR: No infiltrates or __________ Noun (pl.) A/P: Patient presents with perplexing diagnosis of __________ vs. _________ Psych Dx Rare Dx 1) __________ IV x 1 stat Herbal remedy 2) Urgent __________ of __________ Radiology test Part of anatomy 3) Follow CBC, _________, _________ analysis q6h Bizarre lab test Fluid 5) Observe __________ for signs/sxs of __________ Adverb Emotion 6) Case discussed with __________ Current events figure 7) Code status: patient is __________ Any 3-letter abbrev.

Just tell 'em Dr. Karl sent ya!


Karl Newman, MD is a second-year resident in Internal Medicine.
The views expressed in this article to not necessarily represent those of Q Fever!, its editors, or its writers.
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Editor-In-Chief: C. Burnetti, MD | Editor-At-Large: M. Furfur, MD, PhD
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Disclaimer: This is a medical humor and parody website meant solely for entertainment purposes, and is not intended to recommend or advise regarding the prevention, diagnosis, or treatment of any medical illness or condition. Stories and articles are meant only to provide a brief, fleeting distraction from the wretchedness of reality, and are not intended to be insensitive, callous, or offensive, or to otherwise belittle the plight of those affected with any medical disease, condition, or illness. All names and descriptions of people are fictitious except for those of well-known public figures, who are the subject of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. Medical Humor is just that: Medical Humor.