October 4, 2000 | Volume 1, Issue 9
 

Just like your
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Medical Humor & Satire
For Healthcare Professionals

© Q Fever! 2000-2005
 
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Nitrous Oxide May Be
Effective For Depression

Thrice-daily administration turns frowns into smiles

SEATTLE, WA--Researchers at the University of Washington Medical Center announced Friday that nitrous oxide, a commonly used anesthetic for dental procedures, may be a potent and effective treatment for refractory clinical depression.

Nitrous oxide (N2O), often called "laughing gas" due to its ability to elicit uncontrollable laughter and hysteria from subjects, has for many years been a mainstay of dental anesthesia, where it has been proven to be safe and useful in a monitored setting.

When inhaled by depressed individuals, N2O appears to induce smiles, grins, chuckles, and/or gut-busting laughter within seconds, followed by a rapid decrease in feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt, and worthlessness.

According to researchers, there is also an associated 90-96% reduction in anxiety, restlessness, and irritability; furthermore, depression-related insomnia is unfailingly eradicated quickly and completely.

Initial optimism regarding these findings, however, has been tempered by the subsequent discovery of a plethora of untoward side effects, including disorientation, auditory and visual hallucinations, oxygen desaturation, and ataxia.

A day's supply of depression-curing nitrous oxide

Added to these is the likely requirement for depressed individuals to visit their dentist three times a day, every day, in order to receive inhalations of the colorless, sweet-smelling gas.

Perhaps the most difficult task facing the N2O research team will be that of convincing FDA officials to allow them to continue their research, which has thus far been mainly upon themselves and their family members, in unsupervised settings - a clear violation of state and federal statutes regarding N2O dispensing and usage.

Says lead researcher Joseph Davy, MD, "They'll probably strip our licenses for this... then, for sure we'll all be going to prison for a long, long time - the question, really, is when."

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Editor-In-Chief: C. Burnetti, MD | Editor-At-Large: M. Furfur, MD, PhD
All rights reserved. © Q Fever!, LLC 2000-2005

Disclaimer: This is a medical humor and parody website meant solely for entertainment purposes, and is not intended to recommend or advise regarding the prevention, diagnosis, or treatment of any medical illness or condition. Stories and articles are meant only to provide a brief, fleeting distraction from the wretchedness of reality, and are not intended to be insensitive, callous, or offensive, or to otherwise belittle the plight of those affected with any medical disease, condition, or illness. All names and descriptions of people are fictitious except for those of well-known public figures, who are the subject of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. Medical Humor is just that: Medical Humor.