Human Genome Project Completed
Wins Second Prize In Science Fair

WASHINGTON, DC--International researchers announced yesterday that they have completed the mapping of the human genome, the culmination of a decade-long quest to sequence the tens of thousands of genes in the human genetic code.

Human Genome Project Exhibit

The announcement, which promises to revolutionize medical research and delivery in the coming millenium, was made Friday at the annual Science Fair held at Roosevelt Junior High School in Washington, DC.

Hailed by international scientists as one of the greatest achievements in scientific history, the announcement has also been met with criticism and protests, including those of the Roosevelt P.T.A., which has expressed concerns that the data could be used by school officials for purposes of genetic discrimination.

Controversy has also occured regarding the amount of the school's budget allocated to the project.

"Roosevelt put $10.5 billion into [the scientists'] little doodad here. My Timmy couldn't even get $3.50 to buy some wire and a battery," said P.T.A. member Samantha Mason.

Science Fair director Patty Wiggins defended the researchers, saying "This is research that will help future generations of Roosevelt Junior High Schoolers live healthier, more disease-free lives, and we should acknowledge that."

"And at least they didn't do one of those damn lava volcanoes."

According to lead HGP researcher Anthony Resetti, MD, PhD, an "old Tandy computer" was used to codify the 80,000-100,000 genes that determine our physical traits and many of our behaviors. Resetti added that he wished to "thank my Dad, who stayed up with me last night to work on this."

Although the project did not win the Science Fair's Grand Prize (which went to 7th-grader Deshawn Harris's "Bread Mold" exhibit), Resetti expressed gratitude regarding the team's second place finish.

"Hey, you can't win them all. And the [second place prize] free order from Arrow Scholastic will sure be great. I'm thinking about a new subscription to Dynamite!"